


I’m a disease playing victim

by meowryo05



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Arguments, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrusive Thoughts, Running Away, author is projecting, i am so fucking tired lmao, why won’t it let me tag intrusive thoughts properly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:48:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowryo05/pseuds/meowryo05
Summary: this is all over the place, sorryalso sorry if how i write intrusive thoughts is not correct,, i’m writing based off my own lolthis is not meant to reflect how phil or any ccs mentioned act irl or even how their personas act, i am simply venting bc i don’t know how to express my emotions properlyupdates will be really slow
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 3
Kudos: 66





	I’m a disease playing victim

**Author's Note:**

> this is all over the place, sorry
> 
> also sorry if how i write intrusive thoughts is not correct,, i’m writing based off my own lol
> 
> this is not meant to reflect how phil or any ccs mentioned act irl or even how their personas act, i am simply venting bc i don’t know how to express my emotions properly
> 
> updates will be really slow

tommy didn’t like loud noises

it wasn’t really his fault, he liked to blame it on his first long term stay with a big family.

the mom was nice, she’d greet tommy when he got home and would check on him regularly.

the two children she had were also nice. they were very quiet though.

after a while, tommy started to understand why her children barely talked.

this memory only surfaced when he realized how his now dad, philza, would constantly favor one of his sons over the other two.

at first tommy didn’t notice, he simply thought it was a normal thing. despite the fact that phil had helped tommy through so much, it felt like a lie. 

wilbur left not too long ago almost taking tommy with him. tommy refused, believing that wilbur was over reacting. 

he really wished he went with wilbur now.  
he started noticing little things that reminded him of her.

the way when tommy would contemplate running away simply because he was too tired of everything, but hesitant because of how much his father had given him, how much he had helped him. he hesitated because he felt like he was being selfish. slowly believing that phil hated him despite giving him everything he ever wanted. 

when something bad happened, tommy was always an immediate suspect. he understood why, phil had thoroughly read through all of tommy’s files. phil laughed when his social worker had informed him that tommy was a ‘problem child’, he laughed believing that they were lying, joking even. 

tommy fucking hated how much phil reminded him of her. fucking bianca or whatever her shitty ass name was. 

she was apparently an awful woman. tommy was constantly used as a scapegoat. he’d have to do all the chores, he’d get pressured when he’d lose motivation to even do school assignments. he started losing motivation for anything, which she ended up using against tommy.

it scared him when he started having gruesome thoughts about his so called mother and siblings.

he doesn’t know why they started or why he was thinking that shit in the first place but it started getting worse the longer he stayed.

sometimes when he looked at one of his siblings, he’d imagine himself grabbing the closest sharp object and plunging into their eye. then repeatedly stabbing their eye til he could see their eye socket.

once while washing dishes, he thought about taking the now clean knife and pushing it into his stomach, slowly dragging it down to expose his organs, watching as they slide out of his stomach. 

he refused to tell his mom about it, she would probably call him fucking crazy or something.

as he stayed with her longer, she started acting,, weird.

when tommy would start staring into space and losing sleep, she’d ask him what’s wrong. they later that night, she’d yell at him for being ‘fucking lazy’ and ‘a fucking retard’. 

he hated that.

it was like that for a long time. she’d buy him food, help him clean and work, ask how he was doing. then suddenly she was using everything she has ever done for him to make him feel bad when she’d make him upset or cry.

that was until he ran away. 

his knife had gotten dull and he was tired or looking at the awful scars on his arms. he had gotten tired of the constant yelling and bickering. her family fought over him like he was some shitty collectable. his siblings fought all the fucking time and they’d bully him for god knows what. so he left. he packed his backpack with his few valuables, hopped out his window and ran.

he ended up at the police station. they didn’t ask about his ‘mom’ when he was sent back to the orphanage. he had gone through 20 different homes before phil took him in. 

tommy was maybe 12, he didn’t trust phil or his two sons. after a while he started warming up to phil, the kind smiles, the constant reassurance. he ate that shit up like it was his first meal in years.

now back to reality, where a 16 year old tommy is packing his bags to go find is older brother.

the last straw was when techno had gotten mad at tommy for accidentally fucking up some important bullshit assignment techno was working on. tommy wasn’t even aware that techno even went to school still. the mother fucking never talked to him. so of course he got upset when phil yelled at him.

he started hyperanalyzing every noise and tap he heard. he absolutely hated not knowing what exactly was making the noise. he hated loud noises, they made him paranoid that something awful was going to happen. he hating yelling, phil knew that, and yet he still yelled at tommy like he had fucking murdered someone in front of him. he might as well have when the problem involves something wrong with techno.

he hated when after that he’d look at phil and only see his mutilated body, stomach cut open, eyes sliding out of his eye sockets, arms cut up and scarred. 

tommy refused to look at techno because he knew exactly what would play in his head. tommy would grab one of techno’s fake dull swords and forcefully plunge it into techno’s throat, pinning him to the wall. then he’d take his pocket knife and repeatedly stab techno’s stomach and thighs until he couldn’t register them as body parts anymore.

he normal tries to clear his thoughts by then.

tommy made sure to grab some extra money before leaving. he had raided the pantry and fridge before phil got home from work. he had taken few things of value, completely expected not to go back.

he only took things to remind him of phil and techno, as his ultimate goal is to find wilbur and live with him until he’s old enough to actually buy a house.

tommy had taken two things, phil’s signature green and white striped bucket hat and one of techno’s bigass sweaters. specifically one of his red ones.

tommy tucked them both safely into his bag and then made his way out of the house.

he was thankful that his window was above one of the roofs so he could easily slide off the house. 

after making his escape, tommy starts running the moment he’s at least 10 feet away from the house. tommy barely had a plan to find wilbur. he simply planned to trust his brother to answer him if he tried calling. 

tommy found a secluded bench half way across the city, he would try to call wilbur in the morning. 

——

tommy woke up to a stray walking and jumping on him. he tried not to get up so suddenly as to not scare the cat. unfortunately the bench creaked when he tried to sit up properly, making the cat run away. 

tommy sighs and picks up his bag, pulling out his phone. it’s around 7am and no notifications from phil or techno, great. he goes straight to call wilbur, hesitantly hovering over the call button. he quickly presses it and anxiety takes over his whole body.

what if wilbur doesn’t answer? what if he changed his number? what if he answers and all he hears is yelling? what he answers and wil immediately tells him he wants nothing to do with tommy? what if-

“tommy?” the question comes from the other side of the call.

“holy shit you answered.” tommy says, his anxiety slowly melting away.

“of course i did toms? what’s wrong, you haven’t called me in months,,” wilbur finishes with a cold laugh. 

tommy stiffens, “sorry, i was really upset when you left,, but that doesn’t matter right now, where are you?” tommy asks, hands starting to shake.

“brighton, moved here after leaving. what’s wrong toms? why do you need to know where i am?” wilbur asks hesitatly.

“i need you, right now, please.” tommy answers immediately. and before wilbur can respond, he continues, “please wilbur, i regret not going with you when i had the chance. everything is shit here and i’m so fucking tired. please wilbur,, please i,,,,” tommy stops, tears blurring his vision and voice cracking.

wilbur doesn’t answer for maybe a minute. tommy goes to hang up, believing that wilbur stopped to laugh, muted himself so tommy could hear him making fun of his predicament. he almost hangs up before he hears, “tommy, send me your location. i’ll get there as soon as i can” he can hears shuffling and door shutting on the other side of the line.

“r,,really? you’re really coming to get me?” tommy says, voice small. tommy sends his location after a few seconds of hesitation.

“of course toms,” wilbur responds, “please stay where you are, i’ll be there in an hour if i ignore every road law ever.” tommy laughs at that, he always liked when wilbur made small jokes like that. it was one of the few things that comforted him when was upset.

“thank you wilbur, i,, just thank you.” tommy says. he can hear the small smile from wilbur. 

“no problem tommy.”

**Author's Note:**

> apologies if this doesn’t make sense, my thoughts are a mess right now and i just needed to vent a bit lol.  
> anyways!! i hope that was decent?? i’m not sure if there are any spelling mistakes, feel free to correct me if there are spelling mistakes 
> 
> i might continue this, i’m not sure though 
> 
> my twitter is @k0utagor3


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